Long.....Asssssss.......Post 😂 So it’s finally August! Where..

Long.....Asssssss.......Post 😂 So it’s finally August! Where on earth has time gone!? This summer was one for the books (a book a wish I didn’t read 😂) and I’m more than ready to move the fuck on. Thank you for letting me find myself again over the last few months. This isn’t going to be the easiest for me to post, but i think its necessary. I’m going to be really open about my mental health and what I have been doing these last several weeks.
I have had major clinical depression and OCD since I was a kid. When I fall into one of my episodes I am utterly lost. Absolutely zero motivation to do anything but sleep. I also have suicidal idealization. While I would NEVER hurt myself. The daily thoughts are unfortunately there. I have been so lucky that I haven’t had an episode like this in a long time. Last time I entered treatment, this time I wasn’t able to with everything being shut down. So in an attempt to numb myself more from the overlapping sadness, I drank. That obviously doesn’t help.....Once things slowly started opening up, I started reaching out again for help. It’s amazing what losing a routine can do to some people, and I am one of those people. I’m absolutely not looking for sympathy or pity for being a shit entertainer, online ho 🤔 whatever you would call my job lol.....just hopefully understanding as to why I have been a crappy friend. I’m getting help and getting back on track so I wanted to reach out to you guys as well. Many of you stuck with me during all this and I could never ever thank you enough. I absolutely LOVE my job.....and not having the drive or ability to be around you all has been unexplainably difficult. I love what I do. Each and everyone of you is amazing and I missed you all and thought of you guys daily! My posting is going to be getting back to regular again. I really want to start sharing more with you all, I just sometimes don’t know how and hate to feel like I’m dragging you down with me or just being a straight Debby downer lol. I promise to do my best. Thank you all for genuinely caring and reaching out to me. I’m so ready to be back!!!
Hugs and many special kisses 😘
~Olive.